Ha, first post of 2012.

Hello people human beings,
ok, i'm done wit the super emo stage I was in,
but anw,
Just finished watching Voyge Of The Dawn Treader.
Its really awesome. and C.S Lewis never fails to amaze me with how he manages to combine the Magic Of Narnia and The Magic Of God in one movie. Like, the significants of doors, doves, tables,
Short Post, but I leave you with one of my fave quotes in that movie.

" So what was it like when Aslan Changed you back?"
" No matter how hard I tried, i couldn't do it myself. then he came towards me. it sort of hurt - but it was a good pain, like when you pull a thorn from your foot."

!ME!

See, there you go again.
blaming yourself
blaming where you went wrong.
i wasn't speaking nonsense was I?
Where's the joy?
huh?
where?
why don't I see it?
I only see anger, frustration, more anger and dissappointment,
why do I want this crap in the future?
No I don't.
I want to be happy.
Just don't have the prolem.
I don't want to think of me dying and having to worry bout some kids.
I can just die peacefully.
knowing that everyone else has their own happy life, and not having to worry about some people whom, if I die, I will be blamed on how I didn't raise them properly.
I don't need that.

!ME!
if God doesn't make mistakes, then why did he make me?

maybe i'm gonna regret typing this.
but if i hold it in any longer,
idk what i'm going to do.
i just need to get my thoughts out.

I'm not going to point fingers at either one of you.
i'm not going to say its because of just one of you
It is you who showed me what its like to be a parent.
sure,
you love us.I believe you.
I love you too.
you had good memories, but how many?
Parenting means having to go through the same amount of stress
Parenting means having to work your butt off and pay for us
education, food, clothes, wants, needs, medical fees.
if you have no children, you could be a billionaire.
what would you be missing out if you didn't?
pain
stress
heartaches
heartbreaks
quarrels with you other half
anger
time
time for yourself and everyone else
tears
blaming of yourself
lowering of self confidence
sometimes even bringing someone else down.
saying things you don't mean

thats what you would miss out.
what's worth going through all this nonsense?
Children?
What do you get?
you get to see them grow up
you see them get succssful
they take care of you

well, what if they fail you?
you still love them
then what?
you ask yourself where you went wrong don't you?
you bring yourelf down yet again.
whats the point?
there IS NO POINT.

you can do the same for a dog, cat,hamster.
see your friends get successful, see your family get successful
go to the old folks home, they take care of you.

you get children, you get joy. joy? what joy?


I don't ever want to see myself as a failure just because of some kid.
I don't want my self esteem to go down the drain cuz of some kid.
I don't want to go through all this pointless stuff cuz of some kid.
I don't want to waste all my time on some kid
For what?

I don't see any joy in bringing up children at all
i just see pain and suffering and that tinge of happiness evey now and then.
Just imagine if I wasn't here.
you can't miss something you've never met can you?
I wouldn't miss myself.

so yes, i'm sorry if you can never hold any grandchildren, its all up to brother now. because i don't intend to go though the same mistake. I don't need the "joy" of some kid.

!ME!

Why are the people around me changing?
what happen to the happy people i once knew?
like.
you're sad.and you're not telling me.and you EXPECT me not to care?
what kind of friend would I be if I did that?
and.

YOU: changing?what changing?you're perfectly fine. a lepoard can't change its spots.if it can, it wasn't really a lepoard to start with.and now, you give that face?that. -_- face.SERIOUSLY.you think what?i'm just going to ACCEPT that face?that,oh.yeah sure,you used to smile at me, and now, not even a HELLO.its courtesy dude!gosh.

and you: WHY do you feel unneeded?why?

and the BOTH of you: WHY HER!??!?!HUH?!!SHE'S BREAKING OTHER HEARTS AND YOU ARE JUST ONE OF THEM MANY VICTIMS WHO JUST CAN'T SEE THAT!!!!!! why?what IS it about her? like.if she treats everyone else that same, how does that make you feel special?

You:ah.idk you la.like.whatr.oversensitive. == sheesh.

What is happening?can someone tell me?
is o lvls really the one to blame? or is it just us?

!ME!

New Year.
That's how everyone starts their posts.
THIS IS A NEW YEAR!
in 2010.
I wouldn't say it was an AWESOME year, but i would say it was memorable.
memorable, good or bad.
i would say both.
made friends
and lost friends too.
edited my links today.
i deleted like.
60% of them.
cuz they either deleted their blog or changed their url without telling.
oh well.
anyways.
2011!
idk.
I juz want it to be meaningful and fun. (:
YOU!take the hint already!!!I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE!!!STOP ACTING LIKE I GIVE A CRAP BOUT WHAT U TELL ME TO DO AND HOW YOU WANT ME TO FEEL.CUZ I FREAKING DON'T YOUR VOICE PUTS ME OFF.
!ME!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!